As the title makes apparent, this article is not about relationships in general, but "romantic" or such relationships. These tend to cause a great deal of confusion today, especially among younger people. I would just say teenagers, but lately the dating game seems to have made its way even down to ages as young as ten or eleven. To me, that is absurd, but that is not my focus here. Anyway, "love" in some form or another permeates modern culture. Unfortunately, very few people see love from a Biblical perspective, and fewer apply it to their relationships. Thus, here I intend to address some of the major points of relationships in line with God's Word.
Ultimate "No's"
Some aspects of relationships are immediately and definitely contrary to a Biblical viewpoint. If any of these apply to a relationship you intend to have or currently have, you can understand that there is no chance your relationship is approved by God.
- Homosexuality is utterly wrong. Many people try to claim otherwise, even from a supposed Biblical standpoint, but they fail to debunk the highly obvious position given in the Bible. First Corinthians 6:9-10 says the following, "Don't you know that the wicked will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don't misunderstand: those who are sexually immoral, worshippers of idols, adulterers, weak and cowardly, Sodomites, thieves, greedy, cruel, or gluttons will not inherit the Kingdom of God." The key word is Sodomites. The term "Sodomite" was a reference to the people of the city of Sodom. Their chief sin, which caused God to destroy them, was homosexuality. Thus, homosexuals are listed among thieves, adulterers, and cruel people. God does not condone it.
- Sex outside of marriage is utterly wrong. The Greek word translated as "sexually immoral" in First Corinthians 6:9 is pornos. This word referred to a variety of sexual sins, but most often and accurately sex outside of marriage. If you are having sex with someone to whom you are not married, your relationship is condemned along with all of those other things.
- Do be "unequally yoked" with unbelievers. This is stated directly in the Bible. Second Corinthians 2:16 says, "Do not connect yourselves unequally with unbelievers." If you are in a relationship with someone who is not saved, it is inherently wrong.
- Minors: Having a relationship of which your parents do not approve is wrong. The Bible clearly states to "honor your father and mother." The Hebrew and Greek words for honor include many aspects, but one of them is obedience. You must submit to your parents' wishes. To be in a relationship prohibited by your parents is wrong.
It is impossible to be in God's will in your relationship if it matches any of these three things. These boundaries are clearly defined by the Bible: no ifs, ands, or buts.
Questions to Ask
To have a relationship pleasing to God, it must not only abide by direct Biblical commandments, but basic Biblical principles. These, however, are often more difficult to determine that the obvious issues mentioned previously. If you want to have a righteous, godly relationship, consider asking yourself these questions.
Do Not Be Unequally Yoked – Further Details
- How are our relationships with God? For a man, am I running towards Jesus enough to lead her properly, and is she catching up or is already near? For a woman, is he running towards Jesus full speed, and am I running enough to catch up or at least keep pace with him?
- What significance might our age difference have? For a teenager, that is a significant question. Even a year as a teen can make a huge difference in physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual maturity. An older guy and a younger girl can often pose sexual temptations and emotional exaggerations. Sixteen generally divides teenager maturity, with the largest changes either beginning or finishing in that year. Thus, it is very important to analyze age and maturity as a teenager. For an adult, age is not very important, as a ten year difference can be accepted sometimes, but comparing maturity is.
Motive and Effect
- Why do I want to get in this relationship? Is it for personal gain or out of selflessness and concern for the other person? People can want a relationship for physical, material, or emotional self-gain. This is wrong. A good relationship is based on the desire for the good of the other person, especially spiritually.
- Will this relationship affect me spiritually, and, if so, how? Although a relationship should be about the good of the other person, it is still unwise to get involved with someone if they will not help your relationship with God or will hinder or damage your relationship with God.
These are extremely important questions to ask before getting into any relationship. The first two reflect the non-salvation aspects of making sure your relationship is equal and balanced in a proper way. The last two are also significant, as they determine the personal aspects of the relationship. Really, the only good way to answer all four questions would be 1) good and improving, 2) minimal, 3) to edify spiritually, support, and provide companionship for the other person and 4) positively. If you answer otherwise on any of the questions, you may be on weak footing for your relationship.
How Far is Too Far
Considering how strongly God warns us against sexual immorality, it is extremely important to determine how "far" you would have to "go" in order to be committing sexual immorality. The last thing someone following God would want to do would be to commit sexual immorality. Fortunately, this is rather simple to qualify. Matthew 5:28 says, "…but I tell you that whoever looks at a woman so that he lusts after he has already committed adultery with her in his mind." Therefore, whatever we do that provokes lust in our minds is too far. The specific point at which someone will lust with his or her partner can vary, but a good line to draw is before making out. By that point, it is essentially impossible not to lust unless you are a psychopath or otherwise emotionally disabled. Thus, it is best never to reach even that point. If I were to list acceptable things, I would include holding hands, hugging, and light, quick kisses. However, for some people even these may be enough to cause lust. Ultimately, then, I would suggest that you should know yourself. If you know what makes you lust, avoid it. Also, be sure that, whatever guidelines you set, you agree with your partner on them. Otherwise, there will almost certainly be conflict. Finally, ensure that, if you are a minor, you place your parents' guidelines above your own. If theirs are stricter, obey them.