As I am writing this, I am in my church van returning from a week at World Changers in Kentucky. I must say: it was one of the most excellent experiences of my life. I hope in this post to sort out all I took in and present it to you all. I cannot come up with a good way to organize this post, so I will write cleanly and coherently, but not with the topics in any particular order.
The first thing that comes to mind is just how much the whole experience defied my expectations. I was glad to be going on this trip, but to an extent I dreaded it. I do not enjoy working out in the heat, and this defined many of my thoughts before I got there. I'm kind of embarrassed by how much I was not looking forward to that part of the trip. In the end, though, I came to appreciate it. Fortunately, God blessed me with a great crew and a hospitable work site. We all got along, worked well, and accomplished everything we set out to do (and more). While it was hot, we had a fair amount of shade, and even when we didn't the heat was quite bearable. My gloves were also a great help, as I am willing to do far more with gloves than without them. I didn't even get any injuries! The whole working experience was infinitely better than I expected, and our homeowner was great to us. I was very happy to have helped her. I also at the beginning had some reservations about a few of the rules, but quickly came to contentedness with them. In all, the experience was far better than I ever could have imagined.
Throughout the entire week, the missional lifestyle was presented blatantly as a vital challenge. This complemented what I heard at camp a couple weeks ago on the Gospel life. Together they told one story: I need to be sharing the Gospel. This is a very neglected part of my life. While behind the anonymity of the Internet I may boldly proclaim truth, that's so limited in comparison to Biblical evangelism. I need to really reach people in my real life. This is hard for me, because I am so averse to interaction with people I don't really know, which includes everyone at college (just FYI, I'm dual-enrolled). You probably can't guess how asocial (not so much antisocial) I can be. It's terrible, because I want to be reaching these people. Yet I am scared to talk to them, especially regarding anything deep or serious or personal, like the Gospel. But I must, for God compels me. Therefore I pray for courage, for wisdom, for words, and for opportunity. I also ask that you pray for me these same things. I cannot stay out of sight anymore, for God had made my comfort zone uncomfortable.
Another element of World Changers was the encouragement I received about my own spiritual life. I probably have the lowest opinion of myself of anyone I know (except perhaps my brother, lol). Of course I know that I'm a sinner like all, and that I am of no worth in myself, but this goes beyond that. I usually feel so unsanctified and sinful, as if I must be the worst of my peers. Sometimes I really feel an echo to Paul's calling himself the chief of sinners. Many times I doubt my usefulness to anyone, and I am skeptical that there is anything about me people like. I tend to view myself as someone people put up with like the weird autistic, not someone they enjoy knowing. Even as I write, these thoughts almost feel to ring true (I could tell you where these thoughts came from, but that's a long, unnecessary story). However, in one day I was encouraged against all of these things not once but four times. As I ate, one of my crew members came to me and commended me on my character, my Biblical commitment, and my devotions (I was my group's devotion leader). She asked if I knew how many people looked up to me, and I still have no answer to that question. Later that night, I had the honor of hearing both my pastor and my friend's older sister Sam (who has come to be my new BFF) pray over me with the most encouraging of compliments and expectations. They had more confidence in me than I ever do. Sam even said that I was fun to be around, and that people enjoy my company. It was hard to believe, and I almost had to think, "God, You know better than that." Yet they were sincere, and later in church group devotions Sam bragged on me some more. Honestly, I still don't know how accurate their assessments of me are, but I can see this: despite what I often think, God has given me more grace. I've been sanctified more than I realize, and people like me more than I believe. It's all due to God's work, and it was such an encouragement to find that God has done so much more in me than I thought.
A final note is about my feelings. I am a Christian Hedonist, which means I believe that God is most glorified when us when we are most satisfied in Him, that is, we derive our primary happiness and pleasure from knowing and seeing Him. Therefore I hold a higher, more significant view of emotion in my spiritual life than most Baptists, especially among the Bible Belt. However, I recognize that sometimes feelings fluctuate for no good reason, and this happened a lot on this trip. One night I was feeling dry and distant, yet the next I felt deep and connected. But this was really my own doing, as I let several factors help or hurt me. Either way, my point is this: as I continue in my life now, I just pray that God will continue to satisfy me and thrill my heart with a vision of His glory, but that even when He does not I will have strength to keep working towards that. I want to be a witness, and I want to work like I did at World Changers in my home town, but in all this I pray for a joyous, reverent focus on the God of the universe. It is first for Him, not others, that I want to do these things, and I ask that He will give me more of Himself as I do this.
So, I'll do a simple conclusion. God is good, and He did great things at World Changers. I am depending on His grace to sustain these works throughout the year. My strongest goal and hope is to glorify Him by evangelism, and I pray that you will have the same desire. If you have any chance, I would also suggest you try World Changers. It changed my world, and it may very well change yours.
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